week one

i'm going to come right out and say it. i'm an emotional wreck. i've read every post break-up article available - the do's and don'ts, the "other people have gone through it and survived" testimonials - with no progress. i am up and breathing one minute, and the next all i could feel is the swelling of tears in my eyes and hard lump in my throat. i can't change anything. i can't turn back time. i am moving forward, but at a slow pace. very slow. i guess it's just good that i'm moving. i've kept busy by spending time with family and friends. i looked at an apartment yesterday. my wallet needs a break from the spending i've been doing. i bought project runway season one on dvd yesterday. it was good for about two hours, then i stopped it and laid down. i wake up at night, missing something. i realize what it is and the tears come. i just left a message for a new counseling sesh. my saturday morning ones aren't enough. i hope my new one will understand everything. or maybe not. why do i need a stranger to listen to what i'm going through? i don't know if it's going to help. at this point, i'm willing to try. this is so hard. it's so fucked up. i have to get it out. feel the pain of his absence. i won't stop tears. not yet.