i want to join a gay soccer league

"ghost"
(emily saliers)

there's a letter on the desktop
that i dug out of a drawer
the last truce we ever came to
in our adolescent war
and i start to feel the fever
from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons
shadowing my dreams

and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in minnesota
at a place that you could walk across
with five steps down
and i guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me
and i start to drown

and there's not enough room
in this world for my pain
signals cross and love gets lost
and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits
i need you the most
i'm in love with your ghost
i'm in love with your ghost

dark and dangerous like a secret
that gets whispered in a hush
(don't tell a soul)
when i wake the things i dreamt about you
last night make me blush
(don't tell a soul)
and you kiss me like a lover
then you sting me like a viper
i go follow to the river
play your memory like a piper

and i feel it like a sickness
how this love is killing me
i'd walk into the fingers
of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity
i've never been this close
i'm in love with your ghost

unknowing captor
you never know how much you
pierce my spirit
but i can't touch you
can you hear it
a cry to be free
oh i'm forever under lock and key
as you pass through me

now i see your face before me
i would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
as i burn up in your presence
and i know now how it feels
to be weakened like achilles
with you always at my heels

this bitter pill i swallow
is the silence that i keep
it poisons me i can't swim free
the river is too deep
though i'm baptized by your touch
i am no worse than most
in love with your ghost

you are shadowing my dreams
(in love with your ghost)
(in love with your ghost)
(in love with your ghost)

rejoice...

...comes out on DVD today!

pussy don't fail me now...

*photo from the gofugyourself girls

the funniest IM of the week

jennq: anyhoo how is work?
jennq: I am a walking zombie!!
Marc: not bad
jennq: EEEW!!!
Marc: i stayed up till 2 las tnight finishing this book i'm writing for work
jennq: and you have to babysit them all
Marc: a bio for one of our teen stars
jennq: you are writing a book?
jennq: AWESOME!!!
Marc: yeah it's a BOP BOOK!
Marc: hehe
jennq: congrats!!
jennq: that is AWESOME!!!
Marc: for only $5, you can learn all about Zac Efron!
jennq: who?

EXACTLY.

losing my religion

i haven't been to church in over a month, maybe even longer than that. the last time i attended a service was at a presbyterian church in hollywood. it's an all-welcoming service that my friend mark invited us too. he plays piano there every sunday. i'm not presbyterian, but i was interested in going to a "gay-friendly" service. it wasn't much different from the catholic services i go to, except that romy and i were comfortable holding hands, even kissing during the "peace be with you" segment. i have not attended that church service since our break. and i miss it. the last time i spoke to mark, he mentioned that romy still attends mass (that's a good thing), and that my name tag is still hanging up in the entrance, waiting for my return. i think it's going to hang there for awhile. some wounds haven't healed yet. i carry a rosary my father gave me in my pants pocket every day. a small cross hangs from my neck. i got it from my grandmother's room a week after her funeral. sometimes i hold it with my thumb and index finger, often with a prayer. i did so this morning after hearing that carmen's mom passed away. i don't know what religion is exactly (even after 28 years of going to mass, receiving communion, kneeling in prayer) but something tells me i'm far from being a lost soul.

venting on a friday haiku

i am on a roll
asinine phone call comes in
lost my train of thought

grammatically correctedness

"kill the light." i remember the first time that sentence was brought to my attention. i was hanging out with my best friends in junior high, a sleepover actually (even though we swore we weren't gay), and i asked my friend to shut his bedroom lights off so i can go to sleep. the fuckers laughed at me and said "that's not how you say it, marcCCCCC." emphasis on the hard "c" since i hadn't fully lost my accent then. i've had an extreme complex about the english language and grammar ever since. now i'm a writer and editor for a magazine. go figure. i'm currently reading the book "eats, shoots and leaves" as a refresher course on the subject. although i'm somewhat of a stickler - someone who's gifted with the "seventh sense" of cringing everytime wrong punctuation is used - i still catch myself wrongly (?) translating tagalog into english.
btw, there's a very interesting special on E right now about child stars and how fucked up their lives are. younger sister from family matters did porn. yikes!

paul walker flexing on the beach...

ain't nothing wrong with that.

well, since trent won't post my pic on his blog...

aimee and i had another great time at the mtv movie awards this year. we actually had a decent spot in the press line, although the bop-friendly celeb factor was dismal. not that i'm complaining having keanu reeves walk by. so. effing. hot. anyway, i met santino from project runway. that was another highlight. he said "i'm too old for tiger beat!" aimee and i also took pics with trent, who writes pinkisthenewblog.com. he said he was going to post the pics we took on his blog. he didn't. too cool for school. still love reading your blog though, trent! i want to meet perezhilton next. i go to his *office* every once in awhile to write parts of the zac book. i'm so slacking on that.



making progress with the move. i've actually slept in the new apartment the last couple of days. my bed's still in the fiz, but i refuse to spend another night with c.c.r. and her light-sleeping parents. i'm excited being in the new place. i look forward to writing there. reading. i want a bike for my birthday and will actually try to bike to work some days. there are many things to look forward to. i might be going on a frisco road trip in two weeks.

"i've got to admit it's getting better. it's getting better all the time."

*office* = coffee bean

in why see

stupid c*nt!

you have no idea how so over i am with my landlady margaret. the mega bitch yelled at me again last night. errica dropped me off around 12:30 and i went inside. i remembered that my prescription antibiotics were still in my car, so i went out to get them. while walking back i saw her from her dining room window and she goes "could you please stop your activities right now because my parents woke up from the noise and the light." what noise? what fucking light? oh, does she mean their crickety old fucking gate that THEY installed? or the security light that automatically turns on that THEY installed? how the fuck am i supposed to get in and out of my apartment other than through that gate??? please tell me because i'm so out of there once i get back from nyc. that fucking cunt rag can kiss my ass.

my new obsession

siopao, vitamin water and smokes at FAMIMA. that's all. oh, and i'm looking to take a photography class. it's time for everyone to see things the way i do.