losing my religion

i haven't been to church in over a month, maybe even longer than that. the last time i attended a service was at a presbyterian church in hollywood. it's an all-welcoming service that my friend mark invited us too. he plays piano there every sunday. i'm not presbyterian, but i was interested in going to a "gay-friendly" service. it wasn't much different from the catholic services i go to, except that romy and i were comfortable holding hands, even kissing during the "peace be with you" segment. i have not attended that church service since our break. and i miss it. the last time i spoke to mark, he mentioned that romy still attends mass (that's a good thing), and that my name tag is still hanging up in the entrance, waiting for my return. i think it's going to hang there for awhile. some wounds haven't healed yet. i carry a rosary my father gave me in my pants pocket every day. a small cross hangs from my neck. i got it from my grandmother's room a week after her funeral. sometimes i hold it with my thumb and index finger, often with a prayer. i did so this morning after hearing that carmen's mom passed away. i don't know what religion is exactly (even after 28 years of going to mass, receiving communion, kneeling in prayer) but something tells me i'm far from being a lost soul.