old school

one of those days

F!

welcome to my office

go team elliott

insert cram here

That Madge is one lucky bitch.

deep sea diving

i never thought i could swim
i was always afraid of water
until i learned it was okay
and found myself
at the bottom of the ocean
i swam
i let myself go
i went deeper and deeper
it was too beautiful for words
until the water got cold
and i was surrounded
by darkness
and sank
i had to let go
i had to swim up for air
i'm breathing again
thankful
for what i saw
and how it felt
to have my breath taken away

week three

gulping down a jug of water. i'm sticking to my 2 quart a day rule. at least. i piss every five minutes. it's good for me though. i didn't have a single cigarette yesterday. even more progress. i have a sesh at 3 pm today. i hope this guy is good. and affordable. he prefers not to go through my insurance, but i say eff that. i can't afford otherwise. craving a smoke. working on new columns, working on one issue after another. i'm also writing a zafron book. i'm the zafron expert apparently. i wonder if he'll make it to tom hanks big. speaking of which, da vinci code tonight. idol finale tomorrow. countdown to the big apple right now. fourteen days. big love to heidi and sheezy :)

week two.

as much as i can't stand to write any more about billie joe armstrong, i like that work keeps me busy. my weekend started off ok, i had a bbq at sheila's sat morning, followed by a bbq with jen at isis' house sat night. i drank more than i should have, so around 9:45 pm i was right outside isis' house on venice, and i started thinking about the missing piece. it's not there to hold me, call me when it's quiet in my apartment, meet me outside for a quick hello. shit, i miss it so much. all of it. but it's where i find more strength. to know the decision stands, and i have much to work on. mother's day went really well yesterday. had lunch with the fam, then off to moorpark. i'm excited that i got the new apartment. i can't wait to fill it with new memories.

haylie duff-isms

"Within my first week of having a license, I got a ticket for reckless driving."
"This Mormon neighborhood thought I was a crazy girl on drugs."
"Don't come with all your game."
"I got a Chanel bag for a cough and a Fendi bag for the flu."
"You guys have to eat the olives!"

new digs

i am so close to getting a new place, i can taste it. i'm more than ready to leave the franklin guest house. ready to live in a place where i can breathe, eat, sleep, fart, and do laundry without big brother watching me. and by big brother, i mean stupid cunt head margaret. she's faker than the drywall she used to make that shithole i lived in for over two years. i will miss the fiz though. viva los feliz!

week one

i'm going to come right out and say it. i'm an emotional wreck. i've read every post break-up article available - the do's and don'ts, the "other people have gone through it and survived" testimonials - with no progress. i am up and breathing one minute, and the next all i could feel is the swelling of tears in my eyes and hard lump in my throat. i can't change anything. i can't turn back time. i am moving forward, but at a slow pace. very slow. i guess it's just good that i'm moving. i've kept busy by spending time with family and friends. i looked at an apartment yesterday. my wallet needs a break from the spending i've been doing. i bought project runway season one on dvd yesterday. it was good for about two hours, then i stopped it and laid down. i wake up at night, missing something. i realize what it is and the tears come. i just left a message for a new counseling sesh. my saturday morning ones aren't enough. i hope my new one will understand everything. or maybe not. why do i need a stranger to listen to what i'm going through? i don't know if it's going to help. at this point, i'm willing to try. this is so hard. it's so fucked up. i have to get it out. feel the pain of his absence. i won't stop tears. not yet.

"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life."